Life is so much better when you have someone to share problems, struggles, the good times. It is amazing to have someone to run to for comfort and for help. I found myself over the weekend. Due to that, I have a new outlook on life and a new attitude toward life. Sometimes it seems like this guy and I are perfect for each other. We fit together perfectly. I would really want to know what God has in store for my life and our relationship. He was asked last night by a close friend of his, if he believed in second chances. The friend was asking about passing up on a girl and then she moved away, wondering if there was a missed opportunity and if they would ever have a second chance. Well, I know it is true. There are second chances and third chances and fourth chances and even fifth chances. T(my guy) and I have experienced having the chance or opportunity and passed them up. But God kept giving them to us until we finally listened to him. If its something God has planned for your life, those chances will come. Just pay attention and notice them. Don't let them drag out for four years. God will keep giving the chances to you, just dont be blind. He has the plan for your life all layed out. Just like He has a plan for my life and for T's life. I have no idea what the plan for our lifes together. But only time will tell. And I am sure we both will be paying more close attention to that small quiet voice guiding us through life. Sometimes, I wish I had listed to the quiet voice instead of ignoring it and running away from it. But God did not want me to run away but wanted me to run toward T. I have learned a valuable lesson. Listen to God. :)

more later like always

I am like so happy, I can't deny it. Since this past weekend, I am in a much better mood. Well besides the fact of being sick. Being sick is not taking away from my happy feelings. I cannot hide the fact that I am happy. I am always smiling. Being happy is getting me through this week so far. I am always looking forward to calling him and I get excited when I see that it is him who is callin me. The heart races and dances. He makes me think so much. He challanges me in many aspects. Especially in spiritual matters. He just influences my life so much. The little things about him does wonders to me. I can't really explain it. If you were around when he called or when we were just finishing up talking, I am sure you would understand. A lot of people are kind of wary of a long distance relationship. But I think it will work in our favor. Yeah it is hard not to see him that much and often. But it makes the relationship be built and developed on many different levels. Its a part of building the foundation ontop of the friendship that could with stand almost anything. Our friendship has been able to with stand some troubling periods already. Only time will tell what everything would lead to. I know it will be something amazing and will be beyond my wildest dreams. :)

i have to stop now. I got to get this french paper done. will write more later :)

I took off this past weekend. I had to get away from this place. Going to Texas was the best place to escape to. Plus I had numerous reasons to choose texas as my hiding place. first, a really good friend of mine was married friday afternoon. Second, graduation was saturday for LU. This means a lot of my friends were coming into town. Oh man, a lot of friends were in town that weekend. People that I have not seen for over two years, I got to see again. You should have seen the looks on their faces when they saw me. It was priceless. I enjoyed my time there. I did not want to come back. I wanted to stay there. It took everything out of me to come back here to springfield.

Something exciting also happened this weekend. It is a very long story and as this certain guy says the past four years could be developed into a hallmark movie. This story takes us back to the summer between my first year of college and my second year of college. I met this guy who worked with physical plant. He and I went out a few times. But not many. He took me out for my birthday. We had an amazing time. I liked him that year of school.We talked quite a bit on the phone and whenever we saw each other around campus. But I was not sure of what he thought or felt. (i do know now but thats for later). So I began to pull away and continue on with my wonderful college career. Talking to him when I saw him, but not really going out of my way to talk to him.

Graduation time came and we parted our own ways. I did try to look for him in order to stay in contact with him, but I couldn't find him. So I left longview without looking back. Life continued moving along until i think the beginning of 2005 when out of the blue, I thought about this guy. Decided to try to email him. I am so happy that it went through. He tells me know that it was a big surprise because he thought he would never hear from me again. Little did we know what caused me to email him or what would develop from that email. We started talking on and off again. Just catching up with each others lives. When I visited LU for spring break that year. I caught up with him and was able to talk to him. But at that time I was seeing someone. So we talked for a few and then he left me an update about his last year that included his number on it. For some reason this paper stayed with me. It made the trip down to Houston and back to SPringfield. Surprisingly.

Life seemed to be going good until the guy I was dating left me last year. During the first week or so, I found this update with this number on it. So I was like, why not call him. I could always turn to him when I had problems. Talking to him has helped me so much. We are both dealing with all sorts of stuff. A lot of the stuff is somewhat the same. We were talking all the time. Every spare moment we had we were talking. He would be available to talk any time of the day or night. He was always there for me. After talking for a few weeks like this, I began to get scared. Decided to back off some. I had no idea what was going on with me. I was scared to open up to him cause of the possibility of getting hurt.Then after Christmas I started talking to him again more and more and more. Even more than what I was doing before. I was sharing everything with him. He was doing the same with me.I loved all the times we talked. I loved the fact that he was available to be there for me whenever even at 5:30 in the morning. We planned a weekend for him to come up and visit me. The week leading up to that weekend, I got scared again. I pulled away. I completely disappeared from him. I did not talk to him nor want to see him. I was afraid of his intentions. I was not sure why he was coming to visit. I was even more afraid of getting hurt. This time when i pulled away from him, I did not talk to him from that first weekend in march to easter. He sent me an easter card. This totally surprised me. Oh it broke me down. I called to talk to him but couldn't get a hold of him. This sent panic through my body. I was afraid that I did something. That I lost a friend. During the time that I did not talk to him, I thought about all kinds of stuff.

The most recent chapter to this saga started when he offered Trina and I his house for graduation weekend. He had made plans to stay with his mom for that weekend. I was surprised that he offered. I wasnt sure what to do. I almost said no. But I decided against it. Trina and I took him up on it. This is something I now do not regret.

I loved every moment with him. I loved the times he and I had together. I loved the times we talked. I loved the fact he did like anything I wanted to. He let me make the rules for the weekend. Lets just say I found a wonderful guy to turn to. A guy that I can rush to when I am sad or when I am happy. I guy that will catch me in his arms and will hold me tight and let me cry on his shoulder. Then he will wipe the tears away for me. The one thing I was afraid of was that I would not be ready for any new relationships. But during one of the movies we watched the question came up -can a wounded heart love again. Both him and I agree that one can. The movie proved that one can (movie was love comes softly). We agreed to give each other a try. We want to see what happens. We decided to take our friendship to the next step - a datin relationship. I have not stopped smiling since we talked about it. On the phone last night to help me drive home, we were talking. he made the comment that he hadnt heard me giggle or laugh like I was in a long time, and it felt good to hear me do that again. I am so happy. :)

So that is the most basic story there. There is alot more to it. i will probably write more later as time progresses.

In other news, after talking to dr j and this special guy, I have made the decision to finish up school. I am going to be changing things up in my life. I am going to be looking for a new job. But I want and I need to finish up my degree before I do anything else. :)

well thats all for now. I have to get back to my paper. It has to be done before tonight when I go to work.